Fall, Autumn, Fomhar, Osen`, Herbst, Herfst, Automne
Whatever you call it, it has arrived. The nights are longer and colder. The days here where I live are wet and foggy. The geese are flying south and the air is full of colorful leaves as they make there way to the ground. The land and its creatures are all preparing for Winter. Even though it is a few months away, you can tell the time is drawing nigh. Creatures are storing last minute food supplies and the deer that were normally comfortable in my yard are not to be seen, for they have gone deeper into the woods that are near my house.
School has started for all ages, from the pre-school children up to those returning to college to further their education. Warm jackets are coming out of storage as well as socks for us here in Oregon.
Retail stores are pulling out decorations for all of the end of the year holidays, from Rosh Hashanah to Eid al-Adah to Halloween to Day of the Dead to Veterans Day to Thanksgiving to Hanukah to Yule to Christmas. Plus some more I didn't list.
Recipes are posted on every type of social media. Bake this cake, or pie, or chicken pot pie, or try these cookies, or this comfort food casserole. Eat, eat and be merry. It's not that I don't enjoy the different recipes, it is that I want to enter into each holiday one at a time.
This year is the first year of "firsts" after the death of my mother. This will be our first Fall. Our first Halloween. Our first Thanksgiving. Our first Christmas. Our first without the one who made us all come together and have family time. The one who picked out what decor to put out and when to put it out. The one I did all my shopping with. The one who decided on the main course for our big family dinners and the one who was always in the middle of the planning. The one who is now gone away from us.
Grief has many stages. Denial, anger, and sadness are all parts of the process of letting go of the one you loved and lost. There is also a stage of "firsts". The first year is full of events that were once familiar and hold many expectations and memories of the loved one. This year can be a tough one for many people. Our family is experiencing our ups and downs that come with the first year after Mom has passed away. We have good days and bad days.
So often when I am alone I want to just pick up the phone and call my Mom. I just want to hear her voice and catch her up on my life. On the life of my kids, on all the changes that are still happening in the world. I want to complain to her and laugh with her, cry with her. We could talk for hours and still have more to say. Now, I hardly talk at all.
We were creative partners. We did crafts every holiday and as each one approaches, I still look for things for us to do, but then lose the desire to do it. This is part of my grief process. Mourning over the things that we did together. She was an amazing cook and baker. So I went through a stage where I wanted to read all her cookbooks and see what notes she had in them and I started baking things for my Dad. Of course they were not as good as my Mom's. So I stopped baking, again, part of the grieving process.
Our emotions are still wounded and we can be somewhat sensitive or insensitive to each other and each other's needs. Being aware of the fact that grief is different for everyone is really important. No one feels the same way. We may share similar feelings, but we each "feel" in our own way. Respect for each other's space is also important. Since I am here with my Dad and we are so much alike, our space is very important. My brother is like Mom and the peacemaker. But he is busy with his new son, Gavin as well as with Garrett. His growing family stays active and seeing them is a treat.
As I close this post for today, I want to encourage anyone who is grieving to make sure they understand what they are feeling and why. It is ok to be angry and sad, but don't let those feeling control you. You are in charge of your life and how you deal with it. Allow yourself to feel, to mourn, but also allow yourself to live!
Me, well, I am doing ok. Some days are tough, but most are not. I put on my happy face and look for the good things out there. Like the fact that I can hear the birds sing. I am thankful for what I have and who I share it with.
Be Strong and Carry On!
