Falling up and down

The leaves were turning and falling down to the ground. The chickens blended in quite nicely. Mom would wrap up in a blanket and ride out to the deck that my brother built and watch "the girls", as we called them, scratch and peck around the yard. She loved the fact that they were so talkative with her. They made her smile. We had friendly chickens too. As soon as one would go outside they would all come running up, they were so used to being picked up and petted, it became a nuisance. The girls would surround your feet and squat. It was funny to watch when someone came over that wasn't used to it. 

November started out as a quiet normal month. The Hospice nurses and aids were coming out on a regular time schedule and Ann came over and sewed "convenience" items for Mom. We had a few visits from friends and that is always a moral pick up for Mom. 

Garrett turned one! Mom was able to go to his first birthday party! It was important to her to be there for her newest grandson!   It was good to be out again and enjoying others in a public place. 

Mom really enjoyed herself and she was happy.....

Then we had a tragedy. A very close family member to us, to my Mom, passed away from Stomach cancer. She was diagnosed just after Mom was with her ALS. So they have been corresponding with each other, encouraging each other, praying for each other. Both wanted to live and beat their diseases. Both were strong women, with even stronger faith. 

I heard Mom cry out "Noooooo, Not Diana!" Then she slumped in her chair and just bawled! Her crying was uncontrollable. It came from deep within her. She couldn't stop the grief from coming out. It was hard for her to breath, so she went on Oxygen, then on morphine. It was the first time she had to take some, only a couple of drops to get her to be able to breath. She was unable to control the grief, so we had to intervene.  She needed to breath and she needed rest. 

She cried for Diana, she cried for the loss of an angel on earth and she cried for her own fate. She knew it was coming and the pain of the reality just couldn't be held in any longer. It broke me. After Mom was resting, I went to the opposite end of the house and closed myself in a room, still able to hear her if she needed me, and quietly wept. "How are we going to get through this?" was my cry out to God. "Where are you in all of this?" 

Thanksgiving came by surprise. It was all a blur. We had each other, Mom was still here, so we were thankful, but we all still hurt over the loss of Diana and were all worried about Mom. It was a quiet day. 

Mom's sister and brother in law came to visit. It was her daughter that passed away. So the visit was short, but my Aunt just had to see Mom one more time. Traveling was hard on her. My Aunt was the oldest, Mom was the youngest in a family of six kids. Mom was basically raised with my Aunts children. So she was very close to that family. The visit was a sweet one, but sadness still lingered between them both. 

The grief took its toll on Mom. She had digressed some, too much. Her speech was obviously effected and so was her moral. It seemed as though she was giving up. She was just sad and begin to show an "I don't care anymore" attitude. This had to change. I wasn't going to let her give up that easy, nope, not happening on my watch! 

 We needed to refocus, that was my new plan, changing the atmosphere. One from sadness and sorrow to happy, happy, happy!