Hard to believe that it has been five years and some months since we said good bye. Never would I have thought this part of the journey into my adult life would be experienced without my best girlfriend, my mentor, my mother. So much as happened in these four years. Both daughters got married and one had a daughter of her own. Both sons and one daughter graduated from college. Several changes have been made in the family regarding the workforce. Houses were bought along with a couple of vehicles. The college I was attending closed, so I missed my BS degree by 7 credits. My brother's family has more than doubled in size. We have traveled overseas twice and developed lifelong friendships because of it. Additionally, we have lost other loved ones for various reasons.
We have experienced joy and heartache, anger, sadness, grief and peace beyond our own understanding. I find myself thinking more and talking less. (And for those who know me, that is quite something!) I guess I reflect on what was, what is and what will be. I see all the anger in the world and the bitter division between family and friends and I just don't want to be part of that. I don't want to be bitter and angry. I want to continue to experience life to it's fullest. To live, to dream and to create!
I visited the graves of my maternal grandparents today. It was quiet, peaceful and sad. No grief, just sadness. I felt sooo very sad for all the graves, the tombstones, the forgotten family, forgotten loved ones. Most of the tombstones were not taken care of, the graveyard was mowed, but moss and grass had grown over many of the grave markers. This just broke my heart. Each marker was the representation of a living breathing person. They each had a life, while it may be a mystery to me who they were, they did live and someone, who loved them, made sure they had a place to rest. Now they rest alone along with hundreds of others who are resting alone. Alone in their grave with a marker covered in moss and grass making their name and dates hard to read. Alone... and forgotten.
My grandparents grave marker needs attention. I am not the only family around this area and I was not the closest to them. But I am going to be the one to go and clean up the area and wash off the marble in honor of who they were. They were real people. They laughed, cried, yelled and whispered. The loved deeply and while they didn't make everyone happy, they did work hard and give to others what they could. I have so many memories of them, I am happy to do this small task on their behalf. In their memory.
This brings me to thoughts of my mother, her death, and her current 'resting' place. She didn't want a tomb, she didn't want to be a forgotten gravestone that no one could read. She wanted to be remembered by what she gave to others, the life lessons she taught, the generosity and love she gave so freely and the smells of her recipes cooking in the kitchen. That woman could cook! Her memory is best described by what she left with each one of us. She spent her live effectively changing other's by sharing the joy and love inside of her. So where does my mom rest? She is in an urn in my father's house surrounded by pictures of her smiling, baking, quilting, traveling and having fun with family and friends.
Not a month goes by that we don't say, "Nana did this, or Nana would have loved that."
She is alive in our hearts and memories and not forgotten.
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